


The Truth of my Heart that I cannot let You know yet

by Krambi003



Category: Finder no Hyouteki | Finder Series
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-30
Updated: 2014-11-30
Packaged: 2018-02-27 13:58:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 749
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2695592
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Krambi003/pseuds/Krambi003
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fei Long's secret letter to Yoh right after the end of the Naked Truth Arc... because sometimes to write things down helps.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Truth of my Heart that I cannot let You know yet

**Author's Note:**

> This was my very first try to write a Yoh/Fei fic ^_~  
> Hope you will enjoy.

**Disclaimer :** VF and its characters belong to Yamane Ayano  
  
 **Warning :** unbetaed

**The Truth of my Heart**

**that I cannot let You know yet**

 

**Y** ou have been by my side for so long now, that I cannot clearly recall when I stopped thinking that it was a chance. I gradually came to think that it was normal, before I even came to not notice anymore, what you made for me and what you meant to me. I had to lose you in that way, to finally remember all this and to admit, that no other would ever be able to be what you were to me. No other would ever share my deepest secrets and know my fears like you did.

**O** blivious of everything you did to lighten the burden on my shoulders, I realize now, that I would not have succeeded in the last 7 years so fast and quite easily, if I had been without you. Your great skills and your constant support were some of my best weapons in this subterranean war on my way to the top. You were the silent shadow that helped me shine brighter, the unweary soldier, who crushed any enemy for me and fulfilled my every desire.

**H** appiness was more than near, when we shared some hours in the same room, not saying a single word or when we were standing still, beneath a dark sky, listening to the sounds of the night, waiting for the wind to chase the smell of blood, we just made rain on Hong Kong, but I could not tell its name before I felt the fear of never knowing such exhilarating or peaceful moments again, before I became aware that I could not share such moments with anyone else but you.

**Y** ou know. After taking some time to think again about everything you did from the very first day in jail until this fateful day on the boat, I now see clearly what we really shared and what we did not. And weighing the pros and cons, my mind tells me to kill you now! But I do not know, if listening only to my mind could solve everything for me. Probably not. It would just lead to lose you for real and for ever.

**O** n the other hand, Tao was first shocked and mad at you and, for me, this was the most unforgivable consequence of your act. But he also gave some thinking to what you did ‘for Akihito’ as he says, and it seems he was able to quickly come up with a satisfying balance between his feelings for you and me, his disillusions and hopes about you, his reason and his heart. He discreetly cheers for you anytime he can.  But I, I do need more time to decide what will be your future and if it will be connected with mine… no with ours.

**H** opefully, I will be able to make up my mind for good really soon. Business is a constant war; I cannot lose too much strength in fighting my old demons on my own. I did not realize how much you soothed them, before you awakened them so suddenly. Can I have as much strength as Tao? Can I trust my instinct again like I used to? Can I trust myself enough now, to be able to trust someone again? Who can I speak with about my doubts and projects now?

**Yoh** , I recall the promise you made and I know - don’t ask me why but I know - that you would fulfill it, if I give you the chance to. But the real question that needs an answer is : would you promise again now, if I asked you to? From the very beginning it was meant to be till death do us part. But now, I do have to make up my mind : will I be the one to decide if this will be ‘till your death’ do us part, or do I let the choice of the one whose death will us part to fate, and keep you by my side until that very moment. This letter, you will never read, is the lullaby I needed to find sleep tonight. And you? Do you sleep in easily, down there in this small room, waiting for my decision, or do you look up at the moon and pray for its light to lighten up your darkest hours, like I so often do?

 


End file.
